The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 [2011]

Breaking Dawn highlights the difference between a plot about serious things, and taking yourself too seriously. Of course an author wants people to be emotionally invested in the characters they create. However that investment should come naturally and not be forced upon us through maudlin trudging.

Why so angry…uh, what’s your name again? Oh, Rosalie. You actually had a part for the first time!

“If it’s not too late Bella, I’d like to ask you to play for Team Jacob again. Please, think of all the Slim Fast this part has forced down my throat.”

Breaking down Breaking Dawn in one sentence: Edward the vampire does very little for an hour and a half and yet comes across less pathetic than the previous series entry while self absorbed Jacob finally carries a plot-line, and matures to 8th grade level while the world’s least desirable girl, Bella Swan, continues an unbroken streak of insecure and awkward dealings with everyone she knows- oh and the werewolves and vampires fight over a demon child for about 90 seconds.

Just whose fantasy wedding is this, Stephenie Meyer? Hmmm?

Sorry Charlie, even your acting prowess cannot out “awkward look” Stewart’s Bella Swan. The most uncomfortable wedding ever.

When it comes to creating an entertaining movie, book, play… anything, one is often in modern times counseled to start things off with a bang. Something to interest and draw and an audience wider than just diehard… er, twihards. The opening scene of this movie- our first glimpse in quite some time into the fascinating world of vampires and werewolves, is a pointless scene about high heels. It’s followed by a nearly as pointless scene about Edwards past, which as far as we can tell has nothing to do with anything.

Greene’s Alice has not looked this good since the first film (though we miss the flirty hair wings). Too bad they turned her character into a one-dimensional fashionista.

If you thought the Twilight series could not get more insular and niche, you were wrong. We suppose self-centered, self indulgent content should be expected in the fourth book of the series. After all, who’s going to be reading it if they are not very interested in the thinning plot. However this does not make for an exciting or well-rounded movie.

“Would you three move closer together. I can fit all our insignificant parts into this tiny little box.”

“Oh Edward, the moon’s beautiful.” “Really? I think it’s a special effect.”

The Breaking Dawn formula:

  1. Three parts continuous awkward shots of Bella and everyone she knows
  2. One part low-budget super-speed blur effect borrowed from Smallville
  3. One part uninteresting, normal looking computer-generated wolves
  4. Mix liberally (but without action) and coat with white pancake makeup

“I’d like to propose a toast: To the first lines I’ve had in two movies. Cheers!”

Smooth move Edward, bringing Bella to have a private wedding night dance with Jacob by the woods. Isn’t that some sort of faux pas- or should we say faux PAW. (We know. Our humor is beyond belief.) Oh, and it is interesting to note that everyone is more excited about Bella’s wedding then Bella. The way they were giving standing ovations you would think she was a British Princess. That is literally the first half hour. Oh, not a word from our favorite character Carlisle… *sad*

“I have bad news. This is my only scene.”

Bella Swan’s wide range of expressions on display…

The producers spice up the next drawn out, awkward honeymoon scenes with emo ballads. Sadly, as many have found out cooking, not all spices are good for the dish. It finally ends with Bella throwing up, realizing she is pregnant. It is a shock to everyone (who has not read the book or had the plot ruined in any of a million other ways). Did not Carlisle have that little “birds and bees” talk with Edward? And so ends the second half hour. Two down, one to go.

There are far worse honeymoon pastimes.

Imagine coming home from your honeymoon and seeing your new wife in… a more realistic light.

Stephenie Meyer’s writing style may not be everyone’s cup of tea. Maybe she made sense on those book pages. The movie tried to convey a lot of it with voiceovers, cross dissolves, jump cuts and imagery ridden montages. What is “imprinting” exactly?

“Hey, look it’s me again. I didn’t get to say much but I got a lot of cool shots this time.”

Breaking Dawn is one of those times where moviemakers decide to split a profitable franchise book into two movies-  and it doesn’t work (except to make money). Okay, we admit we were not expecting much at all. However, even if you are fan of this franchise you have to admit this three act movie was thin on action, answers, plot… and entertainment value. Very thin.

“Where should we use our effects dollars? Fight scenes or computer generated vampire death venom flowing through Bella’s veins?”

Epilogue: The Euro effete loser Volturi apparently and literally do nothing more than sit on these chairs all day… every day. Their mannerisms were so over the top that this scene could be dropped unchanged into a spoof.

________________________________

The Twilight Saga:

Twilight 2008

New Moon 2009

Eclipse 2010

Breaking Dawn – part 1 – 2011

Breaking Dawn – part 2 – 2012

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13 thoughts on “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 [2011]

  1. Bravo! Not only do I completely agree with everything you said, you managed to make me laugh out loud AGAIN at the absurdity of this movie. You’re so right about the shoes! WTF was that?? They were designer and I’ll bet it was a “product placement agreement” wasn’t it? Just one more thing to sell to the Twilight Moms…oh, how sad…

    I went to the movie w/my BFF. At one point she had to get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the movie. When she got back, she wanted to know what she missed…I literally repeated ALL the dialogue she missed. All 8 words. Sadly, I know I did a better job with the delivery of those 8 words.

    No way should this book have been broken into two movies.

    • Comments like yours warm us in the icy Fortress. We are glad you laughed. You have to with this movie.

      We know you delivered those lines better, so a future acting career in such book based movies may be in your future! There is a bright side.

      We thought the wedding dress was most certainly product placement, but that aspect regarding the blatant shoe shots went past us until you pointed it out. Perhaps we lack the estrogen. 😉

      Sears Brand

  2. “Imagine coming home from your honeymoon and seeing your new wife in… a more realistic light.” Eww hahaha

  3. Hey! Remember me?
    Not sure If you do……
    I was so looking forward to reading this after seeing the movie twice – I always do cause my mum is a fan – and NO don’t judge it like that. Not all mothers are that crazy she is actually more of a book-fan and admits not liking any other than the first movie.
    I wan’t terribly disappointed in this, but I have to say it – It was what I expected I guess. if you haven’t read the book there is no point of even seeing the movies starting from New Moon on Eclipse. Twilight was the only movie that was created so that even those who haven’t read books can understand it. I’d say all other movies except that you have read the books.
    Kristen’s facial expressions are not even worthy of a discussion, but She did actually managed to look beautiful in this. In wedding scenes. And maybe it is not clear enough in the movies, but Bella NEVER WANTED to marry Edward. It was Edward’s blackmail….. sorta….. Bella wanted to have him… physically …. and Edward being the old-school type. It was alsp about Bella wanting Edward to be the one to change him.
    I think the reason this movie is so unvampirish and un-actiony is because all the action was at the end of the book – therefore in the second movie.
    Btw I think the way they made Kristen look super sick/pregnant was very good.
    Nice review.

    • WinxHelina, you always ask if we remember you. We do. You are one of our most colourful contributors. We enjoy hearing your opinions and stories.

      Interesting point about the movies understandability to non-book readers. Twilight was more understandable, and the others less so. We did not read the book and did not know that Bella was against getting married. However, the family seemed thrilled enough. We have not seen Carlisle this happy since his decent sized part in the first film!

      Cullen Family Values

      Looking at it more closely, whats-her-name does not look all that happy. And Jasper looks… strange?

      Also, where would we begin regarding vampires and the physical ability to procreate? The biology involved sounds more made up than a 3rd grader’s homework excuse.

      Yeah, when you make a movie, once again a very different medium than a book, and only use the first half the climax may be less than… action packed. Was there really enough plot for two movies?

      Stop by the Fortress any time WH.

  4. “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 [2011] | F o r
    t r e s s T a k e s” ended up being a remarkable article, cannot wait to read more of ur postings.
    Time to waste numerous time online lolz. Thanks a lot -Grant

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