Thor: Tales of Asgard [2011]

This production is not for young kids. We are not saying it is as monotone, adult and unappealing as The Dark Knight [2008]. However it deals with adult themes, diplomacy, betrayal, bitter feminism, some womanizing and a few atomizations.

Why so grim Hogun? Lighten up.

That description may be at odds to an art direction more reminiscent of The Next Avengers. Cutesy Thor and Loki have skinny legs and big feet, not having grown into full manhood. Of course that does not stop them from causing man sized trouble.

Odin fights the demon Sutur. Note the size difference. Yes, that is Odin in the circle. And he won this match too.

The opening credits were pleasingly classy and interesting (especially for a direct to home market release). Though to us they clashed a bit with the stylized, less detailed animation. They also seemed somewhat at odds with Thor’s teenage angst and naïveté.

Could Loki's brooding expression foretell a future path of evil? ...nah.

Is the enchanting Enchantress Amora teaching Loki sign language? We know the question you might be asking, "Why did Thor never go for her?"

How about a one sentence synopsis? Teenaged Thor thinks he’s a man but is really a weenie, so he tries to prove otherwise by stowing away on a mission with his younger brother Loki easily finding a legendary blade no one for generations seemed able to find and causing a chain reaction of events leading to some fried frost giants, war amongst the Asgardian lands, interruption of feminist Valkyrie river bathing, some pointless battles and an ending which leaves you saying, “eh”.

Uh... very inconvenient. Unless you can teleport or fly. Great view though.

Could this innocent looking dark elf possibly be holding in resentment, rage and a hunger for vengeance? ...nah.

This tired story really did not have to star Thor. The spoiled prince, some womanizing knights, the fiery attitude filled girlfriend denied being a warrior in a male-dominated society, kingdoms separated by a fragile truce… Yes you have heard it all before. Thor did not do a thing normally associated with the character. He did not use his hammer, call down lightning, or even utter, “I say the nay!” It is not even “Thor Year One”. It is more like “Thor Year Minus One” (because at least in year one he would get his hammer.)

Sure Sif, train with the Valkyries. That will help your anger issues. (Although we are partial to archers...)

Tales of Asgard was not bad. It had interesting moments and is worth watching. However it carries no surprises, earth shattering moments or a very satisfying ending. And some of the teen angst between Thor and his father Odin was ripped almost line for line from “The Little Mermaid”.

• Thor/Ariel: “But father I want to see the outside world.”
• Odin/King Triton: “I forbid it.”
• Thor/Ariel: “I’m grown up, you can’t keep me here!”
• Odin/King Triton: “I am your king and your father and you will obey me!”

How did this picture get in here? Wrong undersea king.

Asgard itself was a little hard to pin down in regards to its technology and even era. Sometimes it was ancient Greek, other times medieval England. We are not sure what exactly they were going for. However at least the depictions of the Frost Giants was adequate. Unlike the live-action Thor movie, Frost Giants were actually… well, giant.

Flaming swords and frost giants... No, don't try to make it make sense. Just be pleased they were actually big.

The depiction of the Warriors Three was well done. But they are easy and fun stereotypes to work with.

One of the least fun depictions was the Valkyries. Led by Brunhilde, they were male hating, cold hearted, duplicitous, murderous wenches. That is no exaggeration for the sake of humor or wit. Yet another island of bitter females who “throw off male subjugation” with ill temper and stifled aggression. A sect not satisfied until every female who ever experienced a bump on their romantic highway joins their unhappy enclave. Misery truly loves company.

"See how happy I look? Join us Sif and you will be this happy too."

If you go into this production with no expectations you may get one hour and 13 minutes worth of mild entertainment. Even if some of the characterizations are a little much, the overall plot stayed rather safe, although perhaps a little staid.

It was pretty much nothing like this. Talk about violating truth in advertising laws.

Check out related takes:

Hulk Vs Thor [2009]

Next Avengers: Heroes of Tomorrow [2008]

Iron Man: Armored Adventures Season 1 [2008]

The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes Season 1 [2010]

Valkyria Chronicles [2009] 26 Episodes

Valkyria Chronicles impresses with a very pleasing and unique art direction. It continues to deliver on that front throughout, however on the story, characterization and pacing fronts it is wanting.  The producers certainly knew what buttered their bread though.  They made sure that the first half dozen episodes had enough action to draw you in.

The unique and fun Edelweiss tank was an early star, but after a few episodes was sadly reduced to background status. This tank needed a better agent.

Those early action oriented episodes were intelligent and hearkened back to the Strategy RPG video game upon which the show is based.  Additionally the setting was such that small scale squad maneuvers with a single tank could be very entertaining.  At this point the producers needed to decide upon which road they would take Valkyria Chronicles.

"Thank you SEGA". Valkyria Chronicles video game for PS3 (2008). Is this some new kind of reverse movement? Animes based on video games instead of the other way around?

They could continue to go the strategy/action route; defining characters uniquely along the way.  Or they could go the standard anime stereotype route where the squads are filled with anime stereotype characters and anime stereotype issues.  Sadly they took the latter route.  It is a tribute to Valkyria Chronicles’ quality that it was still a good show despite this poor choice.

"Hello. I am the overly intellectual, socially stunted male lead who is so obtuse to human feelings that he does not see love right next to him - or even in himself! Oh by the way, I'm also a pacifist, so I want to destroy the other side faster... - to end this war!" Huh?

26 episodes in one sentence?  In a pastoral world reminiscent of World War I a misguided empire militarily moves against a weak kingdom bringing our group of unlikely civilian soldiers into battle and a mystery about the mythical power of the valkyria which the empire’s nut-job prince is using to further his own agenda but in the end that power will also be used against him and a valkyria will rise on the side of the kingdom bringing all the series stereotypical plots together with a valkyria technology versus valkyria power showdown in which our heroes will learn about life, sacrifice, and the power of love (bleh…).

"I'm the callous enemy general stereotype that cares nothing for the lives of his own men." Count the cliches in this picture: Overly royal warlike crest? Check. A uniform that would make the Kaiser proud? Check. A riding crop!? Check. Totally colorless skin tone? Check.

You will notice right away the interesting shading approach Valkyria Chronicles adopted.  It was kind of a gritty, canvas-like texture that actually worked quite well with the setting.  To match the uniforms were “real” feeling with heavy cloth and buckles (if not totally practical. …Skirts?)  The character designs while not revolutionary were visually fitting for the world.

"I am the cute, hardworking totally innocent stereotype. You know, the one who stoically ignores her own social ostracism and unselfishly cares for all around her. I am so without flaw that even I do not believe it."

The vehicles and technology were one of Valkyria Chronicles greatest strengths.  They devised a unique engine technology signified by glowing blue radiators.  Onto this they designed a variety of early 20th century civilian and war vehicles that reflected the uniqueness of the show and technological setting.

The guns were decidedly low-tech, which did work to bring a level of realism and danger to the conflicts.  That set up should have led to unique plots rather than the usual anime stereotypes.  You know, the hard bitter woman who eventually has her heart softened through the losses of war.  The reluctant but powerful warrior girl who just wants to live a normal life.  The absent minded intellectual type that takes nearly the entire series to realize he is in love.

"I am tough-guy stereotype 1: I am tough on the outside and carry a big gun, but on the inside I am a softy who understands the feelings of others and likes to laugh."

"I am tough-guy stereotype 2: The quiet grizzled type who has done ugly things in order to survive, yet comes up with the poignant introspective words of advice when they are most needed. By the way, I never do open up my other eye. You got a problem with that?"

Not ignored was a top anime stereotype gem, the suave and handsome womanizer type (who is also best friend to the lead guy).  You know, the one that all the girls like except the lead girl.  The one that seems selfish but in the end through sacrifice shows he really has an chivalrous heart-of-gold.

"Yes, that's me. Wait, the girl I like is the lead's romantic interest!? Oh crud, I'm dead..."

The pacing of Valkyria Chronicles was a problem.  After the initial action episodes it really bogs down in heavy-handed, action-less sentimentality filled episodes.  It is not until almost the end that the producers seemed to suddenly realize they were running out of episodes.  The last three episodes feel like a desperate attempt to make up for all the cliched melodrama.

"Hey, do not forget me, the tough, hard-hearted girl with serious attitude. I act selfish because I was hurt in the past, but I am hiding kindness and a sweet feminine skill on the inside."

Valkyria Chronicles is a reasonably entertaining show worth watching.  However most of its originality takes place on the art direction side and not in the story, characterizations, or writing.

"I only need one eye to watch you."

Hulk Vs Thor [2009]

Marvel has decided to produce shorter animated films reminiscent of classic scenarios from comics past.  Amongst them a famous encounter between Thor and a wild homicidal Hulk back in What If #42.  After the Hulk killed numerous heroes, Thor snapped his neck.  He is a Norse God after all.

God of Thunder! Superpowerful heroes need super difficult antagonists. Here, Thor wrestles with his overly large cape.

That was before the days of the Hulk’s power being exaggerated to the point where he single-handedly takes out the entire Marvel universe.  That is lame and undermines many of the Marvel heroes who are unaffected by strength or use means the Hulk cannot “smash”.

"Thor's scheming half-brother." Loki had a hard time defending himself against that accusation after this photo of him was released.

The cool Dr. Strange once opened a dimensional portal and let the Hulk walk right through.  Problem solved.  Also, there is more than one hero who could fly/transport the Hulk to the center of the sun.  What then greenie?  “Hulk smash sun!”  You do that.  See if it works for ya.  Digression over.

Bruce Banner wakes up in bed with his love. Who knew Betty Ross was so hot, ...and that she sleeps wearing a choker.

One sentence synopsis time: Evil Loki intended to kill his half-brother Thor by transporting Bruce Banner to Asgard, separating him from the Hulk, and controlling the brute through a spell that eventually fails causing Thor and Loki into an unlikely team up in order to reunite Banner with the Hulk before the raging beast sweeps though all of Asgard’s defenses (and the women who love Thor) and kills the slumbering all-father Odin.

Most of us cannot relate to Thor's problems of multiple suitors vying for his love. Here is one of them, Amora the enchanting Enchantress. With a name like that, good thing she was not homely.

The 45 minute piece is good quality.  The opening credits are pretty and the choral strains remind us of the excellent Mask of the Phantasm.  The entire Asgardian cast is featured.  Thor’s Norse buddies Baldar, Volstagg, Vandral and the humorless Hogun are there.  His loves Sif and Amora trade barbs.

There is a welcome surprise appearance by Frost Giants. "Hulk smash blue men!"

The fights favor the Hulk.  He is battling a society whose warriors use spears and swords after all.  Thor did not use his whole arsenal, but at least added lightning.  While he held his own, the Hulk eventually smashed him down.  We think it should have been more of a draw.

It is an age old argument amongst geeks.  It is our opinion that Thor’s full arsenal can defeat the Hulk.  Flying, lightning, intelligence, and especially dimension spanning with his mighty hammer Mjollnir.  The two are of comparable strength.  Thor may be only one who is.

That is what we are talking about. Thor lives up to his "God of Thunder" moniker versus the Hulk. (Well... at least for this one scene. Other times he just lies there getting pounded like steak.)

Also we think the formidable magic of Asgard should do more than a few commonplace energy blasts.  What about all that famous trickery?  Why not surround the Hulk in darkness, or do something else.  He is only a mortal in the land of the gods, albeit a very strong one.

The Enchantress seemed to have a lot more tricks when working for the wrong side. Does Amora need to be reminded that Loki is "the wrong crowd"?

Still, the story was paced well enough, moved along nicely and built to a decent climax.  It was entertaining the whole way.  The dramatic story and music fit the serious Asgardian Mythos.

Loki's daughter Hela is no friend of Thor. She is the ruler of the Asgardian underworld, and even seems at odds with her father. Kids these days.

The art direction was bold.  Their take on Asgard was more city-like than I envisioned or remember, but it worked.  (See top pic.)  The character art varied.  On Thor’s buddies it was very traditional and true to the comics.  Thor’s girls, especially Sif were more hard-edged and angular.  She and Thor were the most stylized.

It was good to see Sif and the Enchantress (Amora) in action.  Sif lived up to the warrior reputation you would expect out of Thor’s sometimes girlfriend.

Sif: "Dost thou thinketh this sword be only for show?"

A nice touch during the battle between Thor and the Loki-controlled Hulk was when the brute tries to use Thor’s hammer.  Comic fans know that ancient magics on that hammer will not allow it to be lifted by anyone “unworthy”.  (Hence the surprise when Beta Ray Bill did so years ago in Simonson’s seminal Thor 337.)  Only the inscription saying so appearing on the hammer would have made it better.

Worth watching.